Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
