Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
