I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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