Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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