At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
