Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
