Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
