I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
