I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
