Don't make out with my wife yet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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