Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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