btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
