how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
