and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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