I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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