I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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