Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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