I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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