just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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