he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
