I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
