The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
