i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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