The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
