Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
