I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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