Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
