Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
