the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
