while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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