girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
