So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
