Quick, to the slutcave!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
