dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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