party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
