He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
