Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
