I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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