That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
