I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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