i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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