Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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