So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
