why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
