Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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