I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
