Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
