bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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