There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
