You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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