Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
